As a senior this year, I have so many feelings about my current situation. Beginning this year, I was all set to be Valedictorian; however, I messed up at the end of last semester and lost my chances. I got a C (technically a B) in my college class, but I was supposed to maintain a 4.0. Anyways, I just want to shortly discuss my senioritis (crippling illness seniors often go through because they’re almost done with school). At the beginning of last semester, I was prepared to end my high school years strong.

Now, I’m taking my chances and trying my best. Even though I’m no longer in the running for Valedictorian, I’m okay with it now.
While my senioritis is still affecting me, I’m managing it as well as possible. Anyways, besides that, I have many factors in my life right now that I’m trying to balance. I’m currently balancing my education, relationship, friends, family, and myself. My education is okay, but senioritis makes me lose all motivation and often leaves me procrastinating. My relationship is currently my motivation to do my best, my friends are my main reason for coming to school, and my family causes me the most stress. Finally, when focusing on myself, I feel peaceful but lose focus on other things. I need balance right now, and as a senior, I’m still figuring it out.

Now that some background is out of the way, here’s what I’m currently feeling and why.

I’m feeling overwhelmed because of the workload I still have. I’m feeling stressed because of my after-high-school plans. I’m tired all the time because I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m happy because of my relationship. Those are just feelings I can describe and identify where they came from.

My main focus is my plans after high school: moving out. However, the amount of stress coming from my household and family is pushing me to not wait to move out. I’m considering moving out before high school because my parents should honestly be divorced, and my older sister is living there with her two babies. At this point, I feel like I can’t ask my parents for anything, even if I need it, especially my dad. My boyfriend’s mom already offered me to live with them because, after graduation, I’m planning on moving to Santa Maria to start community college outside Porterville. Both my parents have told me, “I don’t think you’re going to make it.”

Anyways, I’m ready to move. I’m ready to finish high school. I’m ready to leave this town. I’m ready to just move on. I feel like this town and these people are holding me back, keeping me in this endless cycle of living in Porterville. There is so much more than Porterville, and I want to experience it. I don’t want to continuously live in this smog-infested area.